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Unhappy? Get your head seen to…

January 28, 2010

Times Higher Education reports that a number of universities have on going projects designed to encourage a sense of wellbeing among staff.

‘Institutions are being encouraged to set up such initiatives by the Higher Education Funding Council for England. In 2008, Hefce funded a series of “wellbeing-themed workshops” at six universities to the tune of £174,000; the project has been extended for a further two years and has its own website.

The Wellbeing in HEIs website asks ‘How do you ensure that your employees remain motivated, engaged and healthy during challenging economic times?’

Apparently Roehampton University has the answer – reiki, reflexology and Indian head massage, after which “people will feel relaxed, energised and ready to meet any challenges”, according to the university’s website. “People will feel valued and appreciated with a positive impact on motivation and enthusiasm.’

This is great news for a beleaguered profession whose institutions face massive cutbacks – nip in for an Indian head massage and expect to feel better fast.

So here are two other remedies that universities and Wellbeing  HEI might want to consider:

  1. pump entonox (gas and air pain relief) into lecturers’ offices
  2. compulsory lobotomies instead of Indian head massages for longer lasting results
  3. sack all my colleagues and replace them with the female cast members of any American teen drama
  4. close all the universities and replace them with retail parks. Becasue at least people like shopping.

Alternatively, just present Peter Mandelson’s head on a stick. That’ll do nicely.


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