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UK reeling at depth of political corruption

May 12, 2009

People in the United Kingdom were today still reeling in the aftermath of shocking revelations that some politicians have been feathering their own nests, writes our political correspondent, Lawrence Fuckwit.

shocked-1No MPs were available for comment but in a series of interviews carried out by this blog, the full extent of honest, decent, hardworking people’s disillusionment with politics was revealed.

Mary Wheatcroft a housewife from Kettering was visibly upset as she recalled how she took the news that some MPs were a bit dodgy. ‘I just broke down and wept. I mean, you hear of this sort of thing going on in tin-pot dictatorships like in Africa or the US, but you just don’t expect to wake up one morning and discover that our own politicians can’t be trusted. Why can’t we go back to the good old days before there was any such thing as political corruption?’

Tina Cosgrove, a hairdresser from Bolton, was so surprised when she read about the revelations over the shoulder of a customer reading a newspaper that she snipped off his right ear. ‘There was blood everywhere’, she explained, ‘And all them ‘uns in Westminster can do is think of themselves.’

George Pelling a travelling salesman form Essex was so incadenscent with rage that he went on a two day drinking binge and robbed a petrol station before he was apprehended by police after doing 120 mph on the M25. ‘I blame the politicians’, he remarked upon leaving an east London nick, ‘They set the standards that ordinary Joes like me follow. Except those bastards get off scot-free whenever they do something wrong. It’s a bloody disgrace.’

Major Charles Fellingbottom-Jones summed up the mood of everyone in his village when he said, ‘Standards in public life have fallen so low and political corruption is so rife that we feel compelled to vote for the BNP. I think it’s time to give a gang of facist ex-skinheads and petty criminals a go.’

Meanwhile sources close to the Metropolitan Police reveal that precautions have been taken and a strategy put in place should public anger boil over into violent disorder. Said one senior officer, ‘The public can rest assured that no matter how corrupt or lamentable the system, the boys in blue will be there to defend it; even against the public we are sworn to serve. We see no reason why corruption and the rule of law can’t happily co-exist. They have done for centuries. It’s the British way.’

10 Comments leave one →
  1. May 12, 2009 1:45 pm

    Brilliantly funny.

    But I disagree about the politics of all this. I think it is very serious. People may say they think all politicians are lying and cheating scum, but they are genuinely shocked to find that so many of them apparently are. I’ve wittered from England on this matter over at my blog.

    Now I’m very, very glad to be seeing the possible death of New labour – but I’m also more than a littel afraid as to what comes now

  2. Rab permalink*
    May 12, 2009 2:22 pm

    I think it’s serious also Charlie. But what I find ridiculous is how the media can strike such a serious pose about political corruption and yet some of its comment is so inane.

    How can any serious political correspondent or analyst be surprised to discover that many MPs are shysters? After all the UK has such an archaic constitution that corruption is effectively built into it. But God forbid that we should consider root and branch solutions when there is the option of pruning a couple inconsequential leaves.

    And the thought that anybody can reasonably say that their disillusionment with the political classes legitimises or excuses voting for the BNP is simply reprehensible.

  3. Dr. Disco permalink
    May 12, 2009 7:49 pm


    On today’s news: “Police force cracks down on ‘bling'”.

    The story begins: “A police force is urging members of the public to report anyone wearing a suspiciously large amount of ‘bling’ during the recession”.

    Are they looking for criminals or politicians?

    (See See

  4. Rab permalink*
    May 13, 2009 5:41 am

    Brilliant Dr D.
    Not much gets past our boys in blue.

    P.S. Given that bling by definition is conspicuous, what what would a suspicious amount of it look like. Doh! Looks like the peelers will just have to go and do some serious detective work.

  5. bertmart permalink
    May 13, 2009 6:19 pm

    I agree with you Rab that it’s complete Hyperbole, and actually I find the whole thing rather unnewsworthy. It’s simply tabloid scandal disguised in a broadsheet.

    Why aren’t we similarly outraged at the other things MPs are wasting money on, such as the ID card scheme?

    The reality is our MPs are underpaid and overworked. Take a simple example, University of Ulster Vice-chancellor gets £210,000 to run the univeristy, that’s £20k more than Mr Brown gets to run the country! Three times as much as the average MP. Let’s set a decent wage and attract the cleverest, most able men and women in the country to run it.

  6. Rab permalink*
    May 13, 2009 7:13 pm

    I think it’s serious enough Bert but I wondered over on Charlie’s blog how this story would have run had we not had the credit crunch? In this new climate you just get the feeling that someone is gonna get it. That it’s self-serving politicians in the firing line, is fine with me. But the calculated sense of grievance in some quaters, where they might not otherwise have given a damn, is rich.

  7. May 14, 2009 1:39 pm

    “…the calculated sense of grievance in some quarters, where they might not otherwise have given a damn, is rich.”

    Orwell once said that some things are true even though they’re in the Daily Telegraph. He might have added that some things can be true and yet give the Daily Telegraph fan base a particular frisson of delight.

    This is a big,big story and a million miles from tabloid scandal (You want MPs and tabloid scandal? Think Mark Oaten…) I don’t think it’s over yet. I see no way it can end without the resignation or sacking of at least one or two cabinet minsters and it may yet destabilise the government as a whole.

    Over here in England rumours are abounding about the politicians who haven’t – yet – been covered by the Torygraph. The theory goes it would make political sense for the paper to finish off the series ‘with a bang’ by saving the juiciest accusations against their biggest political enemies till last. Two names in particular are being bandied about but I’m sensitive enough to the laws of libel as to not want to write them down in a public….

  8. Dunnagall permalink
    May 14, 2009 5:49 pm

    Comrades may be interested in this dispatch from Charles Okone, the UK correspondent for the Zimbabwean Dawn newspaper:

    “Dawn broke over Westminster yesterday, casting new and unwelcome light upon fiscal incompetence, widespread political corruption and police brutality. Fear stalks the streets of the capital amid rumours of a coup d’etat and calls from the UN Assembly for an international intervention force to save the United Kingdom from itself. Robert Mugabe told the Assembly in New York: “We can not sit back and watch the Brown regime bring this once great country to its knees while it allows its own politicians to fleece the public and sets its thugs in uniform upon innocent citizens as they take to the streets in righteous protest. Something must be done!” US President Barack Obama vowed to stand shoulder to shoulder with President Mugabe in taking whatever action necessary to force Brown back from the brink and warned the British prime minister “Enough is enough!”

    However, it seems that, for the moment at least, Brown remains unrepentant in the face of mounting international pressure to step down and make way for genuine democratic opposition in fresh elections. But recent hopes that David Cameron would be the man of the hour, the hero who would lead the country out of corruption and deep recession, were stymied yesterday when it was revealed that his Conservative MPs were just as corrupt as Labour’s.

    However, what has galvanized the international community most of all and, for some, at long last is the policy of “enforced poverty”, whereby heavily armed police units patrol the capital, arresting with brute force anyone looking outwardly affluent. Sources close to the regime suggest this might explain why MPs have been so reluctant to declare their expenses. Many now are in fear of their lives as for the first time they realize what their constituents have been suffering.

    Meanwhile in Northern Ireland, a colonial outpost, Lady Sylvia Hermon, the Ulster Unionists’ only MP at Westminster, considers her political future after being awarded expenses she says she never claimed. “It never ceases to amaze me the lengths this regime will go to corrupt the uncorrupted”, she told me through the letterbox of her constituency office in Bangor.

    The First Minister for Northern Ireland, Peter Robinson, agreed to call an emergency session of the NI Assembly to consider a motion calling for the Royal Irish Regiment to invade London as a rapid reaction force ahead of any likely international, military intervention.”

  9. Rab permalink*
    May 14, 2009 6:44 pm

    Nah, Dunnagall. Peter Robinson will invade the capital himself, aided by loyalists-ultras. I mean, it wouldn’t be the first time he has lead an incursion into ‘foreign’ territory.

    I’m in all sorts of trouble here. Who, with red blood in their veins, couldn’t be outraged at the revelations about MP’s extravagance? And anybody paying the slightest bit of attention can’t fail to have noticed that there has been something rotten about UK politics for a long time. So I’ve never doubted the Telegraph’s veracity. But for reasons I can’t quite put my finger on I’m sort of troubled by this whole story. I keep wonder where did this come from? Why now? And in who’s interest are these revelations? The public interest? Hhmmmm….

    We’re confronted with an enormous economic crisis and attendant questions about the behaviour of the upper echelons of the financial sector, and then suddenly we have a story which just isn’t about a few bad apples in parliament, it utterly undermines the credibility of the administration and executive just at the very moment that national government might be forced to stir out of its solipsism.

  10. May 16, 2009 3:47 pm

    I will be adding tales of injustice to my blog over the next few days – worth watching out for…. then blog

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