UK reeling at depth of political corruption
People in the United Kingdom were today still reeling in the aftermath of shocking revelations that some politicians have been feathering their own nests, writes our political correspondent, Lawrence Fuckwit.
No MPs were available for comment but in a series of interviews carried out by this blog, the full extent of honest, decent, hardworking people’s disillusionment with politics was revealed.
Mary Wheatcroft a housewife from Kettering was visibly upset as she recalled how she took the news that some MPs were a bit dodgy. ‘I just broke down and wept. I mean, you hear of this sort of thing going on in tin-pot dictatorships like in Africa or the US, but you just don’t expect to wake up one morning and discover that our own politicians can’t be trusted. Why can’t we go back to the good old days before there was any such thing as political corruption?’
Tina Cosgrove, a hairdresser from Bolton, was so surprised when she read about the revelations over the shoulder of a customer reading a newspaper that she snipped off his right ear. ‘There was blood everywhere’, she explained, ‘And all them ‘uns in Westminster can do is think of themselves.’
George Pelling a travelling salesman form Essex was so incadenscent with rage that he went on a two day drinking binge and robbed a petrol station before he was apprehended by police after doing 120 mph on the M25. ‘I blame the politicians’, he remarked upon leaving an east London nick, ‘They set the standards that ordinary Joes like me follow. Except those bastards get off scot-free whenever they do something wrong. It’s a bloody disgrace.’
Major Charles Fellingbottom-Jones summed up the mood of everyone in his village when he said, ‘Standards in public life have fallen so low and political corruption is so rife that we feel compelled to vote for the BNP. I think it’s time to give a gang of facist ex-skinheads and petty criminals a go.’
Meanwhile sources close to the Metropolitan Police reveal that precautions have been taken and a strategy put in place should public anger boil over into violent disorder. Said one senior officer, ‘The public can rest assured that no matter how corrupt or lamentable the system, the boys in blue will be there to defend it; even against the public we are sworn to serve. We see no reason why corruption and the rule of law can’t happily co-exist. They have done for centuries. It’s the British way.’